"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ"
Last night I was helping my oldest daughter study for her vocabulary test today and two of her words were citizen and citizenship. Her fourth grade social studies unit this week is all about becoming a citizen of a country. We talked about America being our country, but then talked about how the Bible speaks of out true citizenship being in Heaven if we follow God. Emma became giddy with excitement at the thought of this and my heart burned a bit, filled with hope, but also filled with the reality of the fleetingness of this life and how I can be often times more focused on this life.
After much debate and talking with others, we had decided to talk with Emma about the unspeakable tragedy this week and it was heartbreaking to watch her innocence fade. She asked many questions and we both cried together as she said her brain couldn't stop swirling at the thought of children dying and how and why something like this could happen. She wished she didn't have to know. She went to her grandparents for the weekend and had a wonderfully distracting time away. Last night, her first night home since we talked about everything, we said prayers in bed after finishing up her studying. She quietly concluded her prayer with "and thank you, God for all of the little people. Amen" She became quiet and I knew she was thinking deeply about things. I asked what she meant by "the little people." Her sister was not quite asleep in the bed below her and she didn't want her to hear. She told me she had seen a picture in a newspaper of one of the little girls who had died that reminded her of Lexi. She went on to say how thankful she was for all the children's lives who had been abruptly taken. She talked about her fears and the fact that she hated that I couldn't promise her that this could never happen again. She wondered how the families would ever be able to laugh again and would she be safe and why did pain have to exist and why would someone ever do this. Tears silently welled in her bright eyes and gently spilled down her cheeks, intertwining with my own as I held her as tightly as I knew how. I have been shaken to the core with sadness over all that has happened. As a mother in this moment, I hated that these were questions I couldn't answer and even more so that these were promises that I didn't have the power to make to her. What I do know and what her dad and I said to her last night is that God is much bigger than all of us and we can choose fear or we can choose faith. We can't understand all things, that is up to God, but we can choose to trust Him and to believe that we do hold another citizenship of far greater worth. Everyday I have to ask myself to make this choice, because right now, the thought of them even walking out the door puts a pit in my stomach. I have to choose faith over fear, because God is bigger and that is the best thing I can do for my children. Emma told us that she wished Jesus could come back now. Her perspective that our citizenship in Heaven is what we live for helps me. The faith of my child inspires me and helps me to put my faith in eternity and what I can't see. I thank God for every day he gives me, but what I live for is getting my kids and me to Heaven, where Emma envisions a playground that is very busy and joyous right now . . .and yes, God, I too, thank you deeply for these little people and their citizenship with you.
No comments:
Post a Comment